SHOCK VERDICT: report from PNF-404 court proceedings

Pikmin 3 court sketches

Court sketch from R to L: Charlie, Brittany, Alph, Defence Representative for Koppai, PNF-404 native

The trial of the century ended today with a shock verdict of NOT GUILTY for the defendants.

ALPH, 7, BRITTANY, 9, and CHARLIE, 13, were unavailable for comment. The trio were whisked away from the courtroom by armed police following the Jury’s verdict.

A spokesperson for the Defence said: “We’re pleased that the Jury has recognised the baselessness of the charges against my clients. They’re exhausted after the trial and the government of Koppaite intends to allow them their rest.”

Angry protesters gathered outside the courtroom, only dispersing when court officials and armed riot police appealed for calm. Among the placards on display could be seen slogans demanding “Justice for Pikmin”, “Death to the Butchers” and “End Galactic Plundering”.

Chief Prosecutor for the Quadrant, MINIMIS FOOTIS, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord, issued a statement: “Koppaite politics led the defendants to PNF-404 and Koppaite politics saved them from the consequences of their actions. The Jury have delivered their verdict and it is no longer my place to criticise the short-sightedness of that or any other statement, argument or decision.”

The key charges levelled at the defendants were as follows:

  • That according to logs retrieved from the defendants’ space suits their first response to arriving on an alien world was to embark on a campaign of conquest, including adversely affecting the local ecosystem alongside the pre-meditated murder of individuals from over thirty different sentient species;
  • That they wilfully lead over a thousand natives of PNF-404 to their deaths, understanding that death, severe injury and mental anguish were inevitable outcomes of their campaign of violence against other native fauna and flora;
  • That their incompetence led to the contamination of the planet with technology at least three grades above the most advanced civilization ever recorded on PNF-404;
    • Nb. See published court records relating to gaps in maintenance logs and spotty record keeping aboard the SS Drake;
  • That their actions constituted the enactment of Koppaite policy relating to the exploitation of xenolife following the Class 1 crime of the destruction of a biosphere.
    • Nb. See ongoing case, Quadrant vs. Koppai.
  • That their actions constituted direct violations of Quadrant Common Law relating to non-interference in fallow planets and the protection of native life.
  • That the obsession of defendant CHARLIE with defendant BRITTANY led to his being unfit to command. 
  • That the obsession of defendant BRITTANY with consuming juice over-extended the SS Drake’s mission and thereby worsened the impact the defendants had upon PNF-404.
  • That the inability of defendent ALPH to observe and react to the psychological problems of his fellow crew-members constituted passive endorsement of their crimes. 

All charges were dismissed following the Jury’s verdict.

On Hocotate, the case of Quadrant vs. Louie continues into its fifth week. It is expected that CAPTAIN OLIMAR will be called to the stand in the coming days.

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