Saturday Spotlight: Jurassic Park Builder

Jurassic Park Builder

Do you know what makes a social/mobile game with cooldown timers, in-app purchases and a design based around regular short-term play sessions an all-round shittier proposition?

No need to hang about answering this one: the answer is a front-end that takes as long to launch as it does to make your in-game actions in each session, and a launcher that crashes, hangs or fails to connect more regularly than it successfully does what it’s designed to do. What the fuck, Lumia?

On the face of it JP Builder is a standard offering among such games; it features nicely animated dinosaur models in pens placed by the player and offers a steady drip-feed of ‘missions’ that propel players slowly through a set of levels and level-locked content. Fans of Jurassic Park and terror lizards may find it a pleasant way to kill five minutes every so often, steadily designing a park with an aesthetically pleasing or ground area-optimal layout, perhaps whilst watching an unengaging television programme.

It is, of course, as meaningless and free of actual challenge as any other game of this type, which is why you want the act of playing it to be as smooth and bump-free as possible. Unfortunately, with that launch process, Lumia have accomplished precisely the opposite.

Jurassic Park Builder is a nothing game that commits the cardinal sin of being deeply frustrating to play. Good luck extracting cash from your whales, Lumia.

As for my anger toward this piece of shit game, well, it’s mostly derived from my anger at myself that I’ve bothered to invest yet more of my time in another worthless piece of extruded cultural product. Jurassic Park Builder has no value beyond the economic and does not even deserve the three hundred words I have now devoted to it. Let them serve as a warning to others.